Under-tanned and Underwear.  

Posted by -Slamel-



   I witnessed one of the most peculiar things I have ever seen yesterday. When I say peculiar, I need you to understand that I grew up in a family full of bizarre, so for something to strike me as odd is the real deal.

   I was eating lunch in the fine, fine establishment of Wendy's when I saw a couple sitting and eating together. I, being the nosy-psychology-freak that I am, was inclined to watch them. My delight and reward for choosing to do so would come shortly. They soon decided that it had been far to long since their lips had touched, and with the passion that only a Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger could fuel, they leaned towards each other and locked lips.

   Awww. Cute. Wait? What is that?

   She leaned forward for their future nuptial of the lips, and the back of her shirt lifted up, which is a normal and natural occurance. I being the heterosexual male that I am felt my eyes pulled downward. What I saw there boggled my mind.

   Before I let the cat out of the bag, let me share a little bit about Utah. My beloved state of Utah will always be home to me, wherever I go. I love almost everything about here. I am not even one of those individuals who says they love the environment but can barely tolerate the people and only do so for the excellent opportunities for hiking, biking, camping, etc. My main attraction to Utah is the people, but of course the wonderful scenery doesn't hurt.

   The inhabitants of this wonderful state, despite what many may claim, are surprisingly varied. Yeah, there may only be like twelve African Americans, thirty-three middle easterns, etc., but the fact of diversity still remains. Utahn's each have their very distinct mannerisms, fashion, and ways of life.

   I contend that there are few better places to get some good people watching in, than Utah.

   Where am I going with this? Get to the girl and her scandalous moment? Soon. I assure you it will be soon.

   I only bring up Utah and it's magnificent display of the myriad of oddities that I get to enjoy on a daily basis because of some of the bizzare thinking errors I see happening every day. Does this mean that I think I'm smarter than them? Probably. I'm probably smarter than you too, but that's beyond the scope of this little blog.

   Let me just bring up one example, and I promise it will all come full circle to the girl and her tender, loving moment with her beau that so rocked my world. I was walking into the gym, with my best friend, to dominate him in a little game of racquetball. The sun was shining high and it was most likely hot enough to melt him. He is a pale fella, after all. I, being the incredibly beautiful, dark, epitome of masculinity, was unaffected by the blistering heat.

   We saw a guy walking into the tanning salon that neighbors the Gold's Gym that we attend. I thought to myself how absolutely ridiculous this behavior is. We spend all day inside running, only to leave and realize how white we are, and go next door, inside of course, to get some 'sun' to make up for lost time. Why not just...go outside? I suppose that behavior isn't quite idiosyncratic to the valley, or even Utah, but it is pretty idiotic.

   Now, back to the girl and her shirt. I'm not quite sure what I must have done in a past life to deserve this particular honor of witnessing this event. I have to say it sure beats being reincarnated as a butterfly though.

   As she leaned forward for the intimate, fast-food restaurant kiss, and her shirt lifted ever so slightly, I saw not just one very distinct tan line, but three. Multiple swimsuits I suppose? The answers to this mystery will forever elude me, as I contemplate what I saw next.

   Her underwear. She was wearing a thong, to which under almost any circumstance I would say, "No thank you." and be about my business. But this particular gem of a Utah fashionista was wearing said thong over another pair of undergarments.

   What. The. Crap. Is. The. Point. Of. That? My mind is officially boggled, but I'm still willing to laugh at it.

   From where I sit, in my six pairs of underwear, I just think Utah is pretty funny.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 30, 2009 at Thursday, July 30, 2009 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

7 comments

That is hilarious and I will say this...Only in Utah...

July 30, 2009 at 11:00 PM

For a second there I was worried you were spying on me...

Then I remembered I go commando.

July 30, 2009 at 11:43 PM
Anonymous  

What the, you only have 6 pairs of underwear, that's gross you should have more.
Tanning beds=no tan lines, I need to go even my tan out, my lines would boggle you. although you would never see them.
she was wearing what? over what? I may have to ask girls wearing said things about a point to this.

July 31, 2009 at 8:07 AM

I’m slightly jealous right now. I’m an avid people watcher and have never had the privilege of witnessing something like THAT. Please try to sneak a picture with your phone next time you see something that spectacular and send it to me... I'm always happy for a good laugh!

August 1, 2009 at 1:04 AM

I am glad you glossed over the details which make it funnier but maybe a less appropriate.

I actually forgot about the story and was initially expecting the kiss to include a little ketchup or something.

August 3, 2009 at 10:13 AM

....Im confused. so many questions for you...
No thank you to thongs? Im not about the G strings (too stripper for me) but Im also not about pantie lines.

You only have 6 pair of underwear? Honey, that doesnt even last you the week.

And I dont understand the girls underwear. it literally said "thong"

August 4, 2009 at 12:37 AM

Apparently I wasn't clear enough. The operative word is "in" my six pairs of underwear. Not that I only have six in my wardrobe. This implies that I was wearing six. Hence the joke.

Also Kelly, maybe you need to re-read what it said about the underwear. If you still don't get it, than don't worry about it.

August 4, 2009 at 12:57 AM

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