Rapunzel, Your Luxurious Locks Are My Holy Grail.  

Posted by -Slamel-




    For the following I will be telling a tale and making a confession. I seem to be finding myself in a minority. Before you start talking about my ethnicity and the threatening size of my nose, let me be clear. The minority I'm referring to is men who know what a diffuser, crimper, flat iron, and setter are, as well as how to use them.

    You may be asking right now, "Nick, first of all, if your confession is coming out of the closet, this is sure a bizarre way of doing it. I mean we have suspected for years. We love and accept you. (Thank you for that by the way. Your acceptance and understanding is both admirable and appreciated.) Second, what does your confession of homosexuality have to do with anything?" Well, before you go making wild assumptions, let me make a statement and explain. I'm not coming out of the closet, nor will I ever be.

    I just felt that scrap of information is relevant to my message. Besides having knowledge of hair styling accessoriers isn't any gayer than the enjoyment I derive from things like decorating, shopping, watching chick flicks, and treating myself to occasional manicures. Ok that may have not been the best defense I could have constructed. Look...can we just move on? Thank you.

    The reason I know what those items are for, is that your hair is my opiate. Long or short, curly or straight, light or dark, hour-long-styling effort, or feeble-get-rid-of-bedhead attempt, it doesn't matter. Your hair can make me swoon like I just stood up too quickly from the couch. I think I suffer from a tragically terminal case of HOD, or Hair Obsession Disorder. The criteria for diagnosis of said disorder can include, but is not limited to, instantly falling in love with someone because of their hair, and having an unconscious impulse to play with hair. The list could go on. Naturally, I'm sure you understand the seriousness of this affliction.

    I recently saw a very pretty girl with the most astonishingly beautiful hair I have ever seen. This, of course, reduced me to a catatonic state of a drooling, slack-jawed stare, inept in the use of the spoken word. Luckily I managed to control my near overpowering impulse to, as my uncle would say, "run over to talk to her" and therefore avoided demonstrating my incapacitation.

    Before I proceed, that leads me to another note I would like to address. It is an occurance that I have witnessed, here in the valley, frequently, and have had the misfortune to experience a time or two. Let me narrate it for you. Man sees woman. Woman looks pretty. Man compliments woman. Woman is surly and gives man stinkeye. Man wanders away confused. Just because a guy approaches a woman with a simple statement of her excellence does not mean that he must want her number, and has dating her as his motivation.

    So girls, when a guy comes up to you and mentions your hair is pretty, don't immediately give that poor gentleman the "Um, I have a boyfriend you creep!" stinkeye. Each of you know exactly what I'm talking about, and you all know that look could stop the 'running with the bulls' and using it on just one man is downright malicious. Their comment to you, really may have no ulterior motives and the guy just wanted to brighten your day.

    Back to the topic at hand, my addiction to your locks knows no bounds. I appreciate you and your hair, and all you do to make it look so awesome. That's it.

    Oh, and can I have your number?

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 28, 2009 at Tuesday, July 28, 2009 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

9 comments

It’s true a woman’s crowning glory is her hair. We definitely appreciate your appreciation. Especially of our bed head. Please feel free to continue in your admiration for my specific head of hair. Although before you start playing with it, a little warning might be appreciated. With out that warning I can’t make any promises as to the stink eye situation. Thank you for another extremely entertaining blog post!

July 28, 2009 at 8:57 AM

I was there. I saw the running. It happened! I don't entirely remember the hair but I remember the glasses. What is it about girls with glasses?! She was worth the run.

Oh and nice post. :)

July 28, 2009 at 9:29 AM

Love it Nick. We all know that it was through my hair that I trapped you to fall in love with me. ; )

July 28, 2009 at 9:56 AM

Your post has entertained me. But, far more surprising, it has filled me with longing for the long quiet nights when we would watch movies on your couch and you would run your fingers through MY hair. Why did I ever move out?

July 28, 2009 at 10:20 AM

AMEN! that's all. kristie tells doesn't mind when tell our waitress or whomever that she's pretty but they definitely are boggled afterward and give the stinkeye

July 28, 2009 at 5:34 PM

I'm glad and at the same time a little disappointed that in this entire post you made no mention of pubic hair.

July 28, 2009 at 8:01 PM

wait? you're not gay?

July 29, 2009 at 1:46 AM

I have the same disorder :( I just can't put it so eloquently.

July 29, 2009 at 10:29 AM

There was only one time that I found hair on a girl to be distracting. She would sit and play with it in class. I would watch and watch and watch. That was only for one semester. I had been with her in classes since that time....uh her hair wasn't that amazing anymore.

July 30, 2009 at 2:20 PM

Post a Comment